Your Nose is Growing...Lies in the Workplace

I once had a co-worker, let's call this person Pat, who certain acrimonious people in the office referred to as "The Parrot".  Pat received the moniker by tending to nod her head and agree with people concerning topics she did not have a high comfort level with.  In other words, Pat would agree or disagree on these topics purely based on the general consensus.  You might say that Pat's mimicking essentially meant Pat lied to disguise a lack of knowledge on the given topic.  You would likely be right.  How terrible - what an unethical way to conduct yourself, right?  Possibly, however, Pat is not alone in her missteps at navigating office culture and politics.  According to Christopher Bonanos' article The Lies We Tell at Work, Pat is part of the majority who lie in the workplace.  Some of those lies have darker motives and, as usually is the case, result in the loss of gainful employment for the deceitful.  

The better news is that most of the workplace tall tales fall more into the "light' lies category.  These tend to be in the interest of getting work done and avoiding conflict - so, don't feel too bad.  If you decide not to give an honest opinion when a co-worker asks if you like her new haircut it's because telling her the new do makes her look like a standard poodle is not important enough to disrupt office harmony.  

What you need to look out for, states psychology professor and The Liar in Your Life author Robert Feldman, "the greater the deception, the more workplace culture is likely a factor".  In other words, employees easily pick up on what is and is not acceptable in any organization.  It's good practice to do a bit of a culture check once in a while - survey your employees and "walk and talk" the floor.  Listen to what they are saying and observe what they are doing.  

In the end certain workplace lies are okay - protecting company secrets (e.g. "the secret formula") because it provides your company a market advantage, fostering interpersonal relationships ("that lunch you've brought from home smells great"), or in cases where you promise less then deliver more.

Finding Your Super Stance!

It's time for another TED talk.  This time I thought I would throw in some self-empowerment that will assist you professionally but also personally.  Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist and professor with Harvard Business School, shares her research regarding power dynamics.  What I found interesting is a study that Cuddy mentions in the beginning of the talk.  The study had people observe doctor-patient interactions without sound; meaning, they could only infer how the interaction went and could not hear what was being said.  Based on simple observation, they were able to predict which doctors would have an issue with lawsuits.  Basically, how well you can interact non-verbally, as well as verbally, has a high impact on employee relations (when relating the study results to a business application). 

Now....go out there and display your best Superman or Wonder Woman stance!

Hit "Delete" to "Reply All"

How much time do you spend reading emails that are of no interest to you because you were part of a "reply all"?  Well, if your numbers are similar to the average you are spending a good 5 percent or more of your workday opening and reading such emails.  Beyond being annoyed that you just received the fifteenth "reply all" response to an email on whether staff prefer chocolate or vanilla ice cream for the office party, opening these emails puts a dent in productivity.  Considering that approximately 15 percent of your day is spent on email that 5 percent can really add up.  "Spread those stats over a 10,000-employee company and you rapidly get to a pretty big number in terms of dollar cost- in the tens of millions of dollars per year" according to Bloomberg Businessweek article Re: Re: Re: Confidential.  

Some companies are taking drastic measures to combat the time waste (and interrupted concentration) that all those unwanted emails results in.  Wells Fargo's sales division head, Gene Sellers, decided that he was tired of it all and pronounced the "reply all" button dead to his staff.  The button is forboden and may only be used in special circumstances that involve the staff as a whole. Netmanners.com suggests users utilize Bcc   to remove the option of "reply all" from the receivers of your message.  

From my experience I can tell you that the majority of the "repy all" messages I have been on the receiving end of were due to simple carelessness.  These were instances were the sender was not paying attention, distracted, or just wanted to get the message out of their inbox.  Taking a moment to review, not only your response, but who you are responding to can save much aggravation and possibly avoid some nasty repercussions (for those not too nice griping emails). 

How Not to Conduct Team-Building

I'm green and gold. I learned that I am green and gold through a team building exercise that was intended to bring insight to "an individual's pathway to self-confidence and esteem".  The pathway is part of the "True Colors" system of identifying character. The exercise was meant to be both fun and practical and it was, at least, interesting. The majority of the staff participated in the exercise fully, curious as to what their color/s would be. There were, however, some of the staff who sat in the room, arms crossed and head shaking in sarcastic disregard, who were less than fascinated by the whole attempt. While I wouldn't label the exercise a disaster, it was not altogether successful in building team togetherness and structure. Based on the MSN Careers article, The worst team-building experience you've ever had, others have had much more disastrous team-building experiences.

This comment,  regarding a ropes course that rubbed everyone the wrong way (yes, pun intended), from Rebecca Staton-Reinstetin, president of Advantage Leadership Inc sums up the main reason why a team should be well-developed prior to such an exercise: "It was an extreme example of how team-building events are mistaken for the long, hard work of actually building a team with shared goals and responsibilities". Put another way, any team-building exercise must start with a team - and a group of people who happen to work together does not make a team. Where to begin? Start by ensuring team members understand the "big picture" and the reason why their collective work is important to the organization and to each other. Susan M. Heathfield, human resource contributing writer for About.com puts it this way "You need to differentiate this overall sense of teamwork from the task of developing an effective intact team that is formed to accomplish a specific goal. People confuse the two team-building objectives. This is why so many team-building seminars, meetings, retreats and activities are deemed failures by their participants".

One of the best team-building experiences I have had was with a group I undoubtedly consider a team. We had been through forming, storming and norming and were comfortable and efficiently in our performing stage - the goal of any team. The goal of the exercise was to pass a ball between all the participants' hands within a few seconds time. We had sincere fun trying to come up with creative ways we could accomplish this goal. We first tried simply passing the ball to each other - not quick enough. We then tried lining up with our arms outstretched and having someone from the team run past us all while running the ball across the top of our hands - still not quick enough. We then, in a wonderfully symbolic show of a group of people working together, stood huddled in a circle while placing our hands clasped and in a circle and stacked on top of each other. All it took was one team member to drop the ball from the top and - tada - mission accomplished... 

Bears, Porcupines and Those In-Between

Maintaining relationships takes skill whatever the circumstance. The ability to get along with others is no less important in your professional life than it is in your personal life. Considering the fact that the majority of your time is spent with your co-workers it simply makes sense that the cultivation of strong interpersonal skills be addressed.

• Be a good listener. It's hard to gain a clear understanding of the point someone else is making if you are already forming your response to what they are saying the moment they open their mouth.
• Stick to non-controversial topics. Although it may make for some interesting conversation, topics such as religion and politics are best restricted to personal forums. The workplace is not the place to get into a heated argument about which political platforms are best for the country.
• Respect individual differences and diversity. We all come into the workplace with our own set of past experiences and personality traits. Just as there are traits of others you may find difficult to work with, there may be qualities you exhibit that are equaling difficult for others. Look, instead, to the value that varying backgrounds brings to the organization. You are in it together, you have to make it work.
• Manage your reputation (e.g. r-e-s-p-e-c-t yourself). Always keep in mind that the actions you take and the words you use paint a picture of who you are. Don't let everyday annoyances escalate into a reaction that you will regret.

This video from video-sharing site Daily Motion will provide you with a few more tips, specifically on how to manage a difficult co-worker.

Don't Stand Too Close To Me

To continue with my communication theme I thought it would be fun (yes fun) to use personal space and nonverbal cues as a topic. Have you ever tried to not communicate with someone? Even when you attempt to stop communicating with someone you are communicating. Remember that communication does not just involve what is spoken, but also includes what remains unspoken and, in a significant portion, nonverbal cues. Let's focus on the nonverbal cues. What comprises a nonverbal cue? Here is a list for starters (I know you can think of some additional ones once you read over these):

• Attire

        Suit or shorts, t-shirt and flip flops?
        Subdued color or wild, geometric patterns?
        Lots of decorative jewelry or discrete pieces here and there?

• Decor

        Pictures of multi-continent travels or posters about teamwork?
        Personal artifacts or family photos?
        Cozy, soft chairs or "velvet smoking jacket" leather chairs?

• Body Posture

        Arms folded across the chest or hanging casually by the sides?
        Palms out or in?
        Sitting back and relaxed or straight up and leaning forward?

• Eye Contact/Facial Expression

        Looking directly into your eyes or down at the ground?
        Distractedly looking around the room or at own hands?
        Corresponds to the message or is disconnected?

• Arrangement of Space

        Sitting behind the desk or next to you at a table?
        Placement of personal items throughout?
        Papers spread out across desk?

Use the above questions to make yourself more aware of nonverbal cues and to assist you in communicating more effectively with others. Each of these cues provides insight into personality, power structure, and even the meaning behind the message.

Now, onto the really fun part...personal space. Personal space is your individual and invisible boundary within which encroachment may cause you some measure of anxiety. We have all had that uncomfortable feeling of someone (okay, let's say it's the "close talker" from Seinfeld) getting just a little too close for comfort. What do you do in that situation? Step back a little? Or does your reaction depend upon whether the person is male or female (and whether you are male or female), your age (as well as the other person's age), and position of power? I bet it does. Let's take a look at a couple of interesting things. First, did you know that there are several possibilities when it comes to personal space bubbles? Take a look at this illustration from Cornell University School of Industrial Labor and Relations.

Which bubble is yours? How is your bubble different in different situations and with different people?

Here is some more interesting information regarding individual personal space. It is a wonderful web page replete with photos to illustrate their points and was compiled by students at Worsley School, located in Northern Alberta, Canada: http://www.worsleyschool.net/socialarts/personal/space.html

Can You Hear Me Now?

I was recently in a meeting where I wanted to make a point yet was cognizant of not offending the receiver of the message. After attempting to relay the message "softly" I found that, to be understood, I had to simply "just say it". Being a person who can alternately be called passionate in one circumstance or stubborn in another I know how I can be perceived and I do have an awareness of adapting communication styles. What is more difficult to be aware of are the finer subtleties involved in knowing what style you are, what the other styles are, reading each situation, and determining which style is best to use. Communication is greatly about competencies and yes skill.

I believe most people have their default communication style and when you are adept at using a hammer, all the world looks like a nail (yes, I did use the cliche). Unfortunately, using your hammer in all situations will only make it difficult to achieve success. To be an effective communicator remember to (as taken from Cornell University, School of Industrial and Labor Relations):

• Choose the right behavior for the situation
• Exhibit understanding of the other person's concerns
• Consider the possible underlying reasons for other's behavior
• Use your skills
• Self-monitor and adjust where needed
• Display a commitment to mutual benefit 

Curious as to your communication style and not ready yet to take a Myers-Briggs assessment or another intensive assessment? Try the quicky here: http://www.pearsonhighered.com/thompson_ob/html/ch04open.html from the textbook Organizational Behavior Today by Leigh L. Thompson and see if the result fits your perception of yourself.

Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Remember that little song by Santa Esmeralda (okay, I do listen to disco from time to time, it's my guilty pleasure) that pleads: "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good"? Those lyrics popped into my head as I was thinking about communication. How often have you had a message to convey that somehow did not reach the intended receiver as you had hoped? Did you blame the receiver for not paying attention or did you stop and consider what their communication style is? Quite often in my career I have had the opportunity to work with some very talented people. These people were recognized for their talents but were also, sometimes to a greater degree, known for the "quirks" in their personality. What it came down to was learning how to best adapt to each person's style of communication. What communication style are you? There are several models to choose from - let's try the HARP model. The HARP model defines four, distinct communication styles:

Harmony (otherwise known as "Can't we all just get along")

The person using this style as their main style (we all use the four styles at various times though we have main styles we use most often) is focused on maintaining relationships. They do not like confrontation and seek to avoid it.

Action (the "Get-r-done" people)

This person gets jazzed about possibilities and being part of forward movement. Action people, though, have a wee bit of difficulty stepping back and taking in the overall picture. Details are not this person's strength.

Rational ("Just the facts" here)

Logic, reason, and detail are the friends of Spock and those using the rational communication style. These people want clearly defined plans and want to keep emotion out of the process. They like to see the light at the end of the tunnel and they enjoy the walk through the tunnel even more.

Pragmatic (Just maintain control....)

These people want it done their way and like to see results. Pragmatic people are highly focused and highly competitive. Game on...

Can you identify your main communication style? What about the style of your boss, co-workers, reporting staff, and even your significant other/other family members? Now, how to you adapt your communication style when conveying a message to someone with a similar style? A very diferent style?